ChemoBrain

Today is the Monday after treatment, this is the first Monday after the spa that I have been completely active.... It is kinda unusual as most 1st Mondays I have been unable to get going.  Friday and Saturday I was stuck in the rut unable to giddy up.  I'm learning to expect the unexpected... I expected to be active on Friday ... Wasn't!  I expected to be down today.... Wasn't!  

This process leaves me with what has been described as ChemoBrain... It makes me feel like I've lost some of my 'social/family filters'. Sometimes I find myself blurting things out, and unfortunately hurting someone's feelings because of a lack of sensitivity or caring. My brain, for now, seems to process things differently; I don't seem to use the same methods for processing information. I don't always understand things that I used to 'get'. And I don't always think things through like I used to. I'm gonna read a book is "Your Brain After Chemo" - I'm finding that there are very real impacts on the brain due to chemo. Another example - I get in my car to go somewhere familiar, then find I'm taking the wrong route. I get a bit mixed up these days about where things are located - north of where I'm at, or south? I have to stop & think about it, and I've lived in Corvallis for about 14 years and I have a built in GPS that stopped working. It's weird.

Very common among cancer survivors treated with the Folfox therapy and other “chemo cocktails” containing multiple system wide chemo drugs. Chemo brain is described by many as a “mental fuzziness” or a clouding of the thought process. Difficulty remembering, challenges with reasoning and maintaining a continuity of thoughts are often expressed. I experiencing all of those.  Things are better the further away from treatment but go right back it dark on spa days.  I'm told the side effects often lessen after chemo treatments are completed.  I've read the issues tend to resolve faster for those who continue with mental activity and exercise including puzzles, word games and other mentally challenging activities. In the short term, I keep a calendar, write this blog and write down my daily reminders to keep me on track or I get distracted.  

Football practice started today at 7am... I was there... And it was good!

How can you help? .... Keep my family in your prayers, they are frustrated with me a bit.. I guess I'm grumpy and demanding... The good news is that I will be traveling to Bend this weekend for my 30yr reunion... And my oncologist said there is no problem having a beer or two.... So maybe I'm gonna be a little less grumpy this weekend. Amen to that!

Love you all
Dave

Be Like Water, My Friend

Yesterday, I was reminded of the inscription on the medal that hangs around my neck that Ric gave me prior to surgery ... "Be Like Water My Friend".  We went to my nephews wedding and I fell asleep in the living room while the rest of the family Danced, folded up the chairs, cleaned up the garage, moved the trash etc... I had no "giddy up" left... and the family seemed to understand I was just not able to get up and help with the post ceremonies that families go through when one of us gets married.  My tank was empty at the time and I fell asleep.

If you know me you know how hard it is for me to say "No I'm gonna let somebody else do it" that is what Ric was trying to impress upon me as I heal... sometimes it is ok to flow around the rock.

Bruce Lee wrote:

Nothing is weaker than water,
But when it attacks something hard
Or resistant, then nothing withstands it,
And nothing will alter its way.

"The above passages from the Tao Te Ching illustrate to us the nature of water: Water is so fine that it is impossible to grasp a handful of it; strike it, yet it does not suffer hurt; stab it, and it is not wounded; sever it, yet it is not divided. It has no shape of its own but molds itself to the receptacle that contains it. When heated to the state of steam it is invisible but has enough power to split the earth itself. When frozen it crystallizes into a mighty rock. First it is turbulent like Niagara Falls, and then calm like a still pond, fearful like a torrent, and refreshing like a spring on a hot summer’s day."

Yup! I just quoted Bruce Lee, but it felt like it applied to me today.  I have worked through Round 6 pretty well.  Except for the occasional "Hit the Wall" moments I have done pretty well.  I have enjoyed some good times with my friends... who I have come to rely upon more than they know. Went to the River last week, Drove Brooke and her friend to the Airport at 4am, went to the fair, Drank a beer at the the Marshall Tucker Band concert,  Picked up Brooke at the Airport, Went to the Nike Employee store, Jonathon and Cecelia's wedding then home.  Today we are headed to Mass then on to a lake for a little while with some of those friends that I have come to rely upon.  I'll spend Monday and Tuesday trying to get a weeks work in, as well as a couple doctor visits.

My health is good, I have added weight and am tolerating all the side effects of the treatments and am looking forward to the end of them.

I appreciate your prayers and good thoughts.  There is no doubt in my mind that they are the reason I have handled the Chemo treatments so well.  Please continue those prayers, for me and for my Family... especially Lori because she has shouldered so much of the burden.

Wednesday Round 7 begins ... more than half way done.

Love to you,
Dave