Healing from the Cure

Lets get this out of the way … SORRY!  Yes I know I have not been keeping up with this blog but I do have an excuse and I hope you can move past my tardiness … as minor as it seems typing is very very uncomfortable for me. Since the end of Chemotherapy “spa treatments” I have had neuropathies (nerve issues) in my hands and feet that have left me with little to no feeling and difficult control.  The exception to the lack of feeling is the irritation from pressure on finger tips and toes, so as some of you know I type very hard and it really irritates my fingers as well as people in rooms next to me.

As you know, if you had read the previous posts, I was first diagnosed with Colon Cancer last March 1^st.  Surgery on March 31st did not go well, so I had another surgery 2 days later and another the day after that … April was a difficult month for my friends and family … for me … it wasn’t as hard because I think I may have forgotten the rough parts and I had the black button I could push.  Simple graces I would call it.

Tomorrow morning I go back to the same hospital to reverse the result of the 2^nd surgery which left me with an ileostomy.  i.e. the bag attached to my belly.   “The bag”, which was a key part of my recovery, has also been the curse with which I have lived with since April 2. Chemo was difficult but the bag is a constant reminder that I have been sick. Tomorrow morning, God willing, they will reverse the ileostomy and I will no longer have the bag to keep me company and dictate my schedule.  Dr. Nagamoto will also remove the port in my chest and fix anything else that has “come loose” over the past 9 and ½ months.  The port was used to administer my spa treatments and kept me from being a pin cushion when Doctors needed to check “How I’m doing” 

I expect to be in the hospital aka “Big House” for about 3 days, hopefully out for the weekend. At which time I will be able to again catch up on the morning sports page in the comfort of my own bathroom. 

You have been a great resource and inspiration for me during the past 10 ½ months. You have cared for me and said prayers but most importantly you have been an anchor for my family, supported them when I could not and given them happiness during this time when I have been unable. Thank you! 

God willing, I’ll update this blog on Wednesday but will have Lori update her facebook page tomorrow, just so you can stop your worries and know that it all worked out fine. I would appreciate your prayers tomorrow, not just for me, but for Lori, Brooke, Connor and Elizabeth.  The past 10 ½ months have been hard on them but this week should end this chapter in our lives as I am free of cancer and am just healing from the cure now.  

May God Bless you and keep you safe,

Dave

no news is good news

My friend Steve Talbott, who does not have a facebook account texted me yesterday and asked me how are things, am I ok because I have not updated my blog in 2 months. well as in Steve's words "No news is good news" my excuse .... well besides surfing the internet for shoes ... I've not had the energy to pour out my thoughts onto a keyboard.  Sounds easy but my new normal is a fraction of the old normal. The energy will return as Chemo ends, pain subsides and I heal up from surgery ... another 6 months.

I am good.  I am about to go through the 12th round of Chemo this Wednesday and then I am done with that part of the fight.  I have had a couple rounds that have put me on the mat but have been able to come out the next round swinging and fighting.  This 11th round has been one of the wins, and rather than just covering up for the 12th round I am gonna come out swinging for the knock out shot. I am making plans to travel next week to celebrate my great Auntie Nan's 90th birthday. but plans are just fore thoughts and over the past 6 months I have learned to just live the day.  If I can, I will, If I can't, I won't.  Take the "I can" days and live them, accept the "I can't" days as a nudge to celebrate the gifts I am given. like kissing my wife, telling Connor I love him, Getting a hug from Zip and a long telephone chat with Brooke.

Since my last post, Football has started and we have 3 regular season games left.  I have not "physically" missed any practices but there are many times I am on the field and my mind isn't as clear as it should be ... fortunately I have some great coaches that surround me and pick up the ball when I drop it.... literally they pick up the ball because I drop it ... often ... the Neuropathy caused by the Chemo has stripped my hands and feet of feeling... hopefully I get most of the feeling back someday. Coaching has been the bar that I hold onto when days drag and I just want to stay on the couch and look at the wall. The team knows about my fight and is patient when my brain can't get the words out or I mix up a play.  I enjoy game days because it is the most focused I can be and I stay that way for the entire day ... then crash.

Everybody around me has been incredibly patient and understanding.  I hope you all know how important your support, prayers and concern have made the past 6 months bearable. As you can see in the picture I have managed to put some weight back on which has astounded the Dr's and Nurses.  Not really supposed to gain weight during Chemo but I've managed ... it's a good thing.  After everything is done we (which means Lori) will go back to worrying about my weight ... I really liked being thinner just not the process that made me thinner.

Next step after Chemo will be a surgeries to fix things and put all the pipes back together.  I am planning on surgery around the 1st week of December so I can enjoy Thanksgiving and be up and around by Christmas ... plus that is the week after the State Championship game ... I do still have an eye on the prize.

I will try to catch you up next week.  Have Saturday College Football to watch.

Love and appreciation to you all
Dave

ChemoBrain

Today is the Monday after treatment, this is the first Monday after the spa that I have been completely active.... It is kinda unusual as most 1st Mondays I have been unable to get going.  Friday and Saturday I was stuck in the rut unable to giddy up.  I'm learning to expect the unexpected... I expected to be active on Friday ... Wasn't!  I expected to be down today.... Wasn't!  

This process leaves me with what has been described as ChemoBrain... It makes me feel like I've lost some of my 'social/family filters'. Sometimes I find myself blurting things out, and unfortunately hurting someone's feelings because of a lack of sensitivity or caring. My brain, for now, seems to process things differently; I don't seem to use the same methods for processing information. I don't always understand things that I used to 'get'. And I don't always think things through like I used to. I'm gonna read a book is "Your Brain After Chemo" - I'm finding that there are very real impacts on the brain due to chemo. Another example - I get in my car to go somewhere familiar, then find I'm taking the wrong route. I get a bit mixed up these days about where things are located - north of where I'm at, or south? I have to stop & think about it, and I've lived in Corvallis for about 14 years and I have a built in GPS that stopped working. It's weird.

Very common among cancer survivors treated with the Folfox therapy and other “chemo cocktails” containing multiple system wide chemo drugs. Chemo brain is described by many as a “mental fuzziness” or a clouding of the thought process. Difficulty remembering, challenges with reasoning and maintaining a continuity of thoughts are often expressed. I experiencing all of those.  Things are better the further away from treatment but go right back it dark on spa days.  I'm told the side effects often lessen after chemo treatments are completed.  I've read the issues tend to resolve faster for those who continue with mental activity and exercise including puzzles, word games and other mentally challenging activities. In the short term, I keep a calendar, write this blog and write down my daily reminders to keep me on track or I get distracted.  

Football practice started today at 7am... I was there... And it was good!

How can you help? .... Keep my family in your prayers, they are frustrated with me a bit.. I guess I'm grumpy and demanding... The good news is that I will be traveling to Bend this weekend for my 30yr reunion... And my oncologist said there is no problem having a beer or two.... So maybe I'm gonna be a little less grumpy this weekend. Amen to that!

Love you all
Dave

Be Like Water, My Friend

Yesterday, I was reminded of the inscription on the medal that hangs around my neck that Ric gave me prior to surgery ... "Be Like Water My Friend".  We went to my nephews wedding and I fell asleep in the living room while the rest of the family Danced, folded up the chairs, cleaned up the garage, moved the trash etc... I had no "giddy up" left... and the family seemed to understand I was just not able to get up and help with the post ceremonies that families go through when one of us gets married.  My tank was empty at the time and I fell asleep.

If you know me you know how hard it is for me to say "No I'm gonna let somebody else do it" that is what Ric was trying to impress upon me as I heal... sometimes it is ok to flow around the rock.

Bruce Lee wrote:

Nothing is weaker than water,
But when it attacks something hard
Or resistant, then nothing withstands it,
And nothing will alter its way.

"The above passages from the Tao Te Ching illustrate to us the nature of water: Water is so fine that it is impossible to grasp a handful of it; strike it, yet it does not suffer hurt; stab it, and it is not wounded; sever it, yet it is not divided. It has no shape of its own but molds itself to the receptacle that contains it. When heated to the state of steam it is invisible but has enough power to split the earth itself. When frozen it crystallizes into a mighty rock. First it is turbulent like Niagara Falls, and then calm like a still pond, fearful like a torrent, and refreshing like a spring on a hot summer’s day."

Yup! I just quoted Bruce Lee, but it felt like it applied to me today.  I have worked through Round 6 pretty well.  Except for the occasional "Hit the Wall" moments I have done pretty well.  I have enjoyed some good times with my friends... who I have come to rely upon more than they know. Went to the River last week, Drove Brooke and her friend to the Airport at 4am, went to the fair, Drank a beer at the the Marshall Tucker Band concert,  Picked up Brooke at the Airport, Went to the Nike Employee store, Jonathon and Cecelia's wedding then home.  Today we are headed to Mass then on to a lake for a little while with some of those friends that I have come to rely upon.  I'll spend Monday and Tuesday trying to get a weeks work in, as well as a couple doctor visits.

My health is good, I have added weight and am tolerating all the side effects of the treatments and am looking forward to the end of them.

I appreciate your prayers and good thoughts.  There is no doubt in my mind that they are the reason I have handled the Chemo treatments so well.  Please continue those prayers, for me and for my Family... especially Lori because she has shouldered so much of the burden.

Wednesday Round 7 begins ... more than half way done.

Love to you,
Dave

Ding Ding! Round 6 coming up

Ok I know it has been a while since my last update of this blog, but the lesson I am learning is to make sure I take care of David.  Hard lesson to learn hard gift to accept when everybody else wants to help "Take care of David" but I am learning to accept the very gracious gifts my friends and family give me.  Their time, Energy, Love, Meals, Concern, Dog walks and fresh fruit is staggering. sometimes that means I need to prioritize and get the 1 thing I need to do done and updating this blog has not made it onto the #1 spot until today.  I am 48 as of today and decided I should chronicle some more of my thoughts.

I am finishing the 5th round of Spa Treatment and Round 6 is Wednesday.  I am not looking forward to it, however I have to say it has not been as hard as I thought it would be ... hopefully that is just not me getting used to feeling like crap and accepting it for the standard of feeling good.  The exception was Round 3.  It whooped me good, but my corner gave me some advice and round 4 and now round 5 are marked down as wins.  Round 6 marks the half way point in the fight and I feel pretty good about it and am preparing.

I deal with cold neuropathies on my hands, Feet, Face, Throat and nose.  Which means it feels like I am picking up/stepping on/swallowing a pin cushion with the pointy ends going the wrong direction when ever one of my aforementioned body parts comes in contact with something that is colder than body temperature.  Those symptoms seem to fade within a week after Spa Treatment so I have about 5-6 days of fairly normal sensitivities. My energy also increases the farther away I get from the last treatment and closer I get to the next ... I guess that is by design ... right when I feel pretty good again, I'm sucker punched. I do suffer a bit from "Chemo Brain" and it tends to mess with my memory. so If you catch me repeating a story or stop mid sentence that is the swiss cheese I have for a brain right now ... kinda feels like a chapter from Flowers for Algernon sometimes.

Football started this past week and I made every practice.  This week will be the test to see if I still have what is needed to give the team when I have a Chemo pump attached to my chest.  I am looking for a CV sack bag to stuff the pump into so I can stay with team colors.

Rd 6 should be a good round for me. I have learned what I need to do to prepare myself.  It marks the half way point  ... see what I just did there ... repeated myself ...

What can you do to help?  That is the question everybody asks because you want to help but don't know what to offer ... Prayers!  After reading all the support group stories and stories from other people and articles I have read I'm convinced the main thing that has made a difference in my treatment and how I feel has been your prayers. I have not had to suffer like all those stories and articles said I would (except I do miss fresh fruit smoothies and cold Gatorade)
Thank you for your prayers.
Dave

From The Chair ...

Sitting here in the chair getting my 3rd round of "Spa" treatment. The previous 2 have not been bad and I have been able to work through them with only a little discomfort.  The reputation Chemo has is that it can cause overwhelming nausea but so far I have not been overwhelmed, which really is a direct answer to prayers.  Remember before treatment started that what I wanted to avoid was the nausea?Pretty incredible.

Note: an "attaboy" to the OSU Beaver Baseball team. You all were one of the bright spots on many of my days over the past couple months. The constant feed from PAC12 network or a friend with an extra ticket helped distract on days of glum. Even got to sit in the scaffolding one evening thanks to Lori and my friends. Bummed I don't get to watch Beaver Baseball as I go through this round but do appreciate the great season and looking forward to the next great season at Oregon State.

The other side effects have not been overwhelming but they do seem to be increasing... Namely cold sensitivity to my hands, nose and throat. Basically whenever my hands touch cold or I drink liquids that are above room temp or I breath air conditioner air through my nose I feel those side effects. My eye sight seems to be temporarily changing... Note to self: go to dollar store to get some reading glasses. Energy level is good on the upswing of the cycle and acceptable on the 5 days after chemo and the take home purse. A few others  but the one I am watching now are there seems to be these short gray hairs ending up on my pillow, shirts, iPad screen, work space... Etc..    Bono's hair is black.... So I am thinking maybe it's Brooke's cat leaving a calling card ... I hope that is what it is.

I am doing well, (installed a phone system yesterday.. Actually I assisted Steve) all the blood tests are coming back positive... Very positive.  I've managed to put on a couple pounds so not as gaunt.  Dr says now is not the time to be dieting and that the weight that came off was not good so adding weight back on will help in the healing and dealing with the Chemo.... Just not all the weight. I'm not so pasty white/gray and a little color has returned to my face.

I'll be leaving the spa in a bit... They kick me out after 6 hours. I'm gonna go home and take a nap.

I can't close this post without saying thank you. Not sure I will never be able to express how much your love, support and prayers have meant to me and my family.  You all have helped us in so many ways, set examples of kindness to my family .... I will spend a lifetime passing it on.

Thank you,

Dave

Round 1 - DONE

I have finished my first round of Chemo and am happy to say it wasn't completely debilitating.  I did/do experience some of the side effects but the dreaded overwhelming sickness wasn't as bad as I had imagined. The biggest issue was the sapping of energy... hence this late post.  Last week I went into the infusion center at Good Sam and they took blood tests in preparation for the next day and gave me my first Iron transfusion. (today I had my 3rd and have 2 more to go) the next day on Wednesday I took the chair and got the first round.  My Nurse, Andi, was awesome she laughs easy which made me feel a little better and more comfortable. I'll admit I was a bit nervous. After about 5 hours of sitting, chatting with Lori and eventually dozing in the chair, I was finished and they sent me home with a "Man purse" that contained a pump which continued pumping chemicals into me until Friday afternoon.  It worked fine until Thursday night. The needle in my chest port was not working properly so it kept sounding the Alarm all night ... that may have contributed to my tired days over the weekend.  They fixed it Friday morning and removed the pump Friday afternoon.

I was expecting the worse flu symptoms ever but the anti-nausea medicine is good enough that it wasn't so bad. Watched the Beavs pretty much lock up another Pac12 tittle on TV instead of going to the games, slept most of Saturday and Sunday, then gathered myself on Monday and made it to the Dr. Appt by 1pm on Monday. Only disappointment was I could not go with Connor to the Portland State Jr Day to meet coaches and tour the campus ... but Lori did and the 2 of them had fun, I think it was better for Connor ... I tend to make him nervous when it comes to the post high school plans.

Going forward, some of the side effects may build up such as the cold drink sensitivity, hands, feet and jaw clenching, eyesight degrading, cold touch sensitivity and maybe some loss of hair... but the Saturday and Sunday sickness is manageable and the Thursday and Friday nights I'll be fine. I am now confident that I can still be on the sidelines this season with the Raiders and actively participate as a coach. I was worried I wouldn't be up to it. This is really good news  ... probably the best good news to me. This will be my 11th year with this group, they are seniors now and I am excited to see the fruition of a decade of work which really has been a labor of love for these young men.

Lori and the kids are doing well.  Lori continues to be such a support taking care of my bandages and the ileostomy.  Last week she worked 50+ hours at her job as a Property Manager despite taking Wednesday off and part of Friday.  She is running ragged but we are managing with the help of our family and friends in the community.  You all have been so very generous with bringing meals, caring support and helping us with Bono. Thank you.

The bright side to this great day:  I have been off high blood pressure pills for about 6 weeks and I have been consistently at 120/80 or better, My weight stabilized and I put on a couple pounds (230lbs today), I have enough old school jeans that still fit so I don't look like I am wearing MC Hammer pants. (Pre 230 jeans), I am actively working (from home mostly) for at least a couple hours a day and I have the confidence that I can do this 11 more times.

Moving back to some sort of normalcy is gonna take a while but I am looking forward to the Pole, Peddle Paddle 2015
Dave